4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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