what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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