My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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