I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
