I wish i was in the wii world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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