Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
