I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
