I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
