am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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