I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize