Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
