i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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