She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
