I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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