Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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