the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
