and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
