i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
