Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
