You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
