I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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