he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
