P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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