please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When are your genitals available?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
