I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
