My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
