He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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