Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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