I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
