Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
