Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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