My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
