dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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