dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
