I accidentally burped into my bong.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
