I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
