How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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