so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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