why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
