Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
