my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
