I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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