I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A+ Viking dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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