We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
