nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
