no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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