In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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