so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
