I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
