Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
