Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
