Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
