I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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