You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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