we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize