I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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