So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
