I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
