Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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