I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
