True but thats because hes a fetus.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
