I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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