Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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