This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize