my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize