C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
