It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dick very happy bro
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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