I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's blow job season.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
