Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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