I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you win again, gameday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
