even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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