I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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