drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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