Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
