I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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