I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
