At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
