i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
