I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
