i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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