i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize