I hope mine doesn't look like that
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
