there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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