So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
