she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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