Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
