Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
