Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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