I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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