under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
