Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
