if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize