Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
