Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
