Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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