I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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