I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
