If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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