I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
