That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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