I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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