Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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